Sue Totney’s Story

My story begins with such happy memories of my lovely Dad. He was 89 but he didn’t look it, more 69. He drove an Audi TT sports car, was the perfect gentleman and was so handsome. He had never been poorly or in hospital all his life. His father was in his late 90’s & his mother was 100 when she died, so the genetics of a long healthy life were all there, this is why my story is so important as none of us are as invincible as we think we are.

My dad was extremely busy and active and had lots of friends, he was always out and about enjoying lunches and adventures. Then one day I noticed that he kept coughing. He said it was “just a little cold and nothing to worry about.” Then, after a few months, the cough was getting on his nerves. I persuaded Dad to go to see the GP and eventually he went for a chest Xray followed by a biopsy which resulted in the diagnosis of a rare cancer, mesothelioma. I just remember the shock of hearing this awful news, sitting there with Dad, asking what his prognosis was and being told there was no treatment available to suppress his condition. Dad asked how long he had, he was told “weeks or months at best”. I was devastated.

Dad continued to be his usual amazing self, grabbing the time he had left with both hands, continuing to make bread and homemade marmalade for us all and seeing friends, right up to the time he was eventually admitted to the hospice. I had discussed hospice care with Dad but he said “no”, because “someone worse off than him needed that place more”. I continued to care for him at home until he was in so much pain he made the final decision, - he held my hand and said he would like to go into the hospice. I spoke to the wonderful Epi at the hospice, and she called to see Dad at home and offered him a bed. As soon as we went through those “Magic Doors” (as I call them), his pain was under control. I couldn’t believe the kindness shown to Dad and my family, it was like a great big hug. I was his daughter again, not his carer and I was grateful to the hospice for the compassion we were shown.

Dad died, peacefully, at the hospice just 2 days later. I will continue to do all I can do for this amazing hospice. Volunteering as part of The Mary Stevens Hospice Pantomime Company means more to me now. It’s my way to repay the support we all received when my lovely dad was cared for. I will beam with pride at the next Pantomime, knowing I’m doing this for Dad.

Thank you, Mary Stevens Hospice, with all my heart.